On a very hungover Monday morning, Greg sits at his desk, preparing himself for another mundane week at the bank, he does as he usually does, takes his jacket off, loosens his tie and flicks on the computer. To his surprise, this cry for help email was presented to him.
My sincere regrets for this sudden request, things actually got out of control on my trip toMadrid,Spain . I was mugged,all my belongings including cellphone and credit card were all stolen at gun point. I need your help flying back home.
Am Cash Strapped at the moment. I've made contact with my bank but the best they could do was to send me a new card in the mail which will take 2-4 working days to arrive here. I need you to lend me some Money to sort my self out of this predicament, i will pay back once i make it out of Madrid.
Western Union or MoneyGram is the fastest option to wire funds to me. Let me know if you need my details(Full names/location) to effect a transfer. You can reach me via email or hotel's desk phone and the number is,+34 981 608916641.
This is how Greg replied
Moira,
What is the fucking story chunfella?
First let me say how incredibly scarlet I am that you were mugged in Madrid. It has upset to the point of extreme morbid arousal. I had a very similar incident in Faliraki a couple of months back. Two young English gents were out celebrating the royal wedding, and were quite drunk. They stopped me in the street and punched me several times in the throat. While lying on the ground they stole my coin purse and then pulled down my trousers and began to thumb my willy in to my groin, giving the impression I had a gooter, as the man says. It was an incredibly horrible experience; so needless to say, I understand fully where you are coming from, Bredrin.
Before I get to the part where I pay someone cash that I have never met before, I would like to ask you a few questions if I may?
Now, call me old fashioned, but I find it strange and arousing, in equal measure, that your bank is sending your new debit card to you in Madrid, and not your home address. This is most unusual. That said, I won’t dwell on it, Moira, it just isn't in my nature to do so. Look I'vealready forgotten what I was worried about. That will be the Quaaludes, says you to me. Lolocopter times one hundred.
Ninthly, and just to set the scene. What are you wearing? I'm wearing an Italia 90 t-shirt, a very tiny pair of x-work jeans with the crotch cut out, I have a red cap on that is without a logo, and I am holding an air rifle. I am wearing an Ugg boot on one foot, and a croc sandal on the other. I have a lit ciggy in my mouth, and I am covered head to toe in my own faecal matter, and that is no laughing matter.....ha ha. Again I feel it appropriate to use the word lolocopter.
Fourthly, now I am sorry to be trivial at such an incredibly tough time for you, but you failed to specify an amount. I want to give my cash to a total stranger, but I need to know an amount, Silly Billy.
Secondly, do you not have family that can help out in your time of need? As soon as last night's dinner hits the fan, I’d be straight on the blower to Mamma Spring immedeo. Admittedly, I have never really cut the strings with my Mum, and have always been too dependent. I think up until I was like five or six, she was still doing that thing where she would let me do a poo on my own, and then when I had finished, I would get on my hands and knees and shout "Mum, MUM, I'm ready". Then she would clean my bottom with a flannel and some warm soapy water. Whilst we do not practice this anymore, I still feel too dependent. I love my Mum so much, I hope you love your Mum.
Let me know the amounts etc, and I will sort that out, Babez.....Oh, by the way, if you haven't already seen it, check out "Blue Waffle" on the interweb. It is very very funny.
Stay safe
Gregory
